0147

“ I feel like I’m living on borrowed time” 

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

— —

I hate when I let myself get away. I have a really strange relationship with alcohol. Friday night I had a friend come visit and stay the night with me. We had such a good time out, sat outside to eat dinner, drank at least a dozen beers throughout the night. 

The next day I feel full on fucking depression. I let myself get away. I lost control again. What do I mean by that? Well, no matter how hard I try to break the hangover and be productive, I can’t- because it’s in my bodies control, not mine. It’s probably the one time it doesn’t matter what my mental state is, because your body forces you to feel some sort of way. 

— —

“I feel like I’m living on borrowed time”. A line from a song recently released and it hits hard. It’s not my time.

— —

The second half of the weekend revolves around being alone. And that in itself has a love hate relationship. Some days I really enjoy it, some I hate it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to break this. 

Some people have music, some write, and some paint to let out their feelings. I’m starting to think I don’t have one outlet because I’m so far behind everyone. I need art to put out something visual. I need writing to be able to look back and learn, but also educate. And music to put me into mood swings based on their influence. 

— —

“We accept the love we think we deserve” 

I was watching a Halsey interview and she said this. It resonated with me. It’s very on par with my feelings although i’m still trying to figure out its true meaning.

Have a tremendous week everyone.